I had a dream recently—one that echoed with both sorrow and hope. In it, I calmly told my ex-husband that when he drank to excess, I felt unsafe. To my surprise, he smiled gently, stopped the behavior, and promised to quit. Then we kissed—not in some romantic resurgence, but as though we were young again, before life had built up its hard walls. I woke up just after that, stirred but not broken.

It left me wondering: was the dream a memory, a wish, or a message? Perhaps it was something deeper. A reflection of a shifting paradigm—not about him and me—but about how men and women might begin again. How we might step into “new pairings.”

The Princess Illusion

One of the most persistent social myths for girls is the fairy tale. The princess crowned. The chosen one. The center of a fantasy where her power lies not in her competence, but in her beauty, obedience, and ultimate selection by a prince.

I recently saw a children’s pageant. A very young girl was dressed as a queen—crown, robe, scepter—flanked by two little girls, in the posture of her attendants. The image disturbed me because of the deeper symbolism: the reinforcement of hierarchy. It clashed with my belief in individual sovereignty and our country’s founding ideals and including a revolutionary war against a monarchy.

It is a disservice to any child to suggest that ruling over others is a worthy goal. The responsible and respectful path for girls is one of sovereignty over themselves. That begins with finishing their education, learning to provide for their own well-being, and cultivating inner strength before becoming romantically involved.

No one deserves to be placed on a pedestal. Pedestals are unstable and isolating. Let us raise girls to stand on solid ground instead.

The Lost Map of Manhood

As for boys, the mythology they inherit is no less damaging.

In a recent episode of Diary of a CEO Clips, a guest unpacked a crisis that is becoming harder and harder to ignore: men are struggling—not because they are weak, but because they are disconnected. Disconnected from their own emotions, from their sense of purpose, and from each other. The speaker shared:

“80% of suicides are still men. Historically, men have been killing themselves for like 100 years and no one’s been paying attention. We’re just noticing now because the problem seems to be getting worse.”

Men have been told they must conquer, perform, and never complain. Even their suffering is unwelcome. They are socialized to suppress all emotion except anger, which is then demonized when expressed. It is no wonder that many men retreat into silence, or worse, into toxic ideologies that at least acknowledge their pain.

The mixed messages boys receive are dizzying:

“So on the one hand, it means being physically fit. On the other hand, it means being a provider. On one hand, it means having sex with as many women as you can find. On the other hand, it means having sex with just one woman and being a really solid man and being a good father. And then there’s also people telling us that being a man means that you’re toxic, that your testosterone level makes you violent, that you’re evil, that you’re privileged, that there’s a patriarchy—all this kind of stuff. So we’re getting all this information from the outside about what it means to be a man.”

When we reject their anger without listening to its roots, we teach them that they have no place to be vulnerable. But vulnerability is where healing begins.

“The number one thing that correlates with male suicide is not mental illness but a sense of thwarted belongingness.”

We must stop silencing suffering.

A Vision of New Pairings

A new pairing is not a woman rescuing or “fixing” a man or a man dominating a woman. It is two people—healed or healing—in complete, responsible, equal partnership and standing side by side. Each aware of the myths they inherited. Each willing to be responsible for their own soul, respectful of their partner’s, and being willing to forgive one another when there is a forgetful or minor slip up.

This isn’t about denying history or pretending wounds aren’t real. It is about refusing to use our pain as a license to perpetuate harm. It’s about creating space for compassion and accountability for the sake of the team.

To the young women: You are not a princess. You are a person. Build your life before building a love, bringing a life into the world or making a family. This new change needs to flow forward into subsequent generations in order to heal the world and human society.

To the young men: You are not alone. Your anger is real, but it does not need to be your only language. To find your own place in the adult realm means shouldering your responsibilities without depending upon others. It means respecting all females as loved equally in the eyes of God—and therefore equal to you in this world.

In doing so, understand that for a young woman, lovemaking is never just physical. Her heart and entire body are involved. Even if she says it’s casual, her biology and being tell a deeper story. Because in lovemaking, she literally embodies a part of you.

There is a vast difference between male and female sexuality. One creates life inside the other. For that reason alone, you would never impregnate a woman before she becomes your legal spouse, willing and prepared to share the lifelong responsibilities of parenthood and partnership.

A Note on Love in All Its Forms:
While this reflection focuses on the traditional myths surrounding heterosexual pairings, the deeper truths of respect, emotional honesty, and mutual responsibility apply across the full spectrum of human relationships. Love is not confined to gender or roles—it is a shared act of courageous vulnerability and authentic connection, no matter the form it takes.

To all of us: Let us listen before we label. Let us seek understanding before judgment. And let us be willing to write new myths—where power is not control, but where connection is made through the power of a synchronous team.

Maybe, like my dream, that future isn’t as far away as we think.